I don’t know about you but this seems to be the challenging year that just keeps on giving for many of us. Whether life and death, health, relationships, employment, or any other kinds of distress have been part of your year, how do we draw the year to a close and try (as best we can in some cases) to maintain a healthy sense of equilibrium, aplomb and maybe even energy?
Back in March as we went into lockdown, it was somewhat the feeling of running on adrenaline. I for one, although of course aware that our covid circumstances were going to be limiting and challenging us for awhile, perhaps was not able to process the extent of the challenges that continue to ripple out into the future, and which are likely to continue for some time.
It’s as if lightning has struck for some people, halting all progress, whilst life continues at pace for others. Whole industries and roles have disappeared (at least for the foreseeable future) leaving some people high and dry, whilst others are working double time.
All of this has got me to pondering how do we feel “successful” when the earth has stopped spinning on its axis (such as being un- or under-employed or grieving for loss of a loved one)? All of this can be discombobulating and downright stressful. If we do have the time to sit and think about it, it can also raise larger questions about our self and our life. Sometimes this can be overwhelming and difficult to face.
But let’s back up and think about what success is in the first place. For some, even the word “success” can be challenging, it may conjure up images of unattainable rose-tinted perfection – something that’s not available to them.
I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about this over the years, working as I do with people who are wanting to make their lives better. But what is better, I wonder? Is better for you the same as better for me? How do we even know what that is if we never take the time to examine it deeply in the often crazy rush of the day to day? And many of us don’t. What happens then? Do we blindly accept our society’s dominant ideas of success – money, status, a big fancy house and car, a job that pays well (what say we hate it?) 2.3 children and a labrador? And who decides what success looks like for us? Is it something we get to choose for ourselves? Is it worth the effort? These are big, important questions.
Release the pressure
As this year shudders to its close, maybe it’s time to pause and consider what success is given the changes in our collective circumstances. Is it time to recalibrate and reprioritise what we’re focusing on? Do we need to put such pressure on ourselves – especially in these times of uncertainty and job vulnerability?
Many of the people I work with feel the pressure of trying to live up to other people’s expectations of who they think they need to be and what they think they need to do.
Particularly for young people, this pressure can be intense and can bring with it strong emotions such as a feeling of failure, of not being good enough, of not being worthy. This can be incredibly limiting and damaging. Couple this with the relentless imagery of “perfect” lives being displayed on social media and for many, this pressure is just too much. Is it time for us collectively to look beyond the insta-perfect images and just be who we actually are and do what really works for us? Is it time for us to think more about what we personally believe to be success (independently of what we’re being fed) and to acknowledge the things that really are most important, such as our health and wellbeing, our families and friends, having a roof over our head and a good meal, adequate income. Can we resist the relentless marketing hype of needing to have more and better?
Recalibrate
I was so hoping that we’d experience large-scale positive change once we’d collectively stopped and taken a breather during lockdown and all had an opportunity to think about our lives and maybe set some new priorities.
Whilst this has happened in (really) small patches, in reality, if anything for many people, life may have become even more stressful and busy throughout the year, marching onward in the same direction. As we watch events unfolding overseas and as redundancies bite, businesses close and with community transmission an ever-present threat, I’m noticing even more pressure in people as we are starting to realise that this might be something we’ll be dealing with for the longer haul. How can we get our heads around this? Maybe it’s up to each of us to examine our own lifestyles and circumstances and ask ourselves what we can tweak or adjust to move more closely in the direction we want to go, to define what this is for ourselves rather than carry on head-down in pursuit of same old same old.
Find meaning
Thinking about “why” we do what we do is something that has naturally fascinated me personally and professionally throughout my life, and in some way, this forms the backbone of the work I do with my clients. By helping them dig deep into what they want and even more importantly sometimes, WHY they want it, we can help set a course in motion and the practical steps to assist them to move in that direction. If you don’t know what you want and why you want it in the first place, it can be almost impossible to create a strong direction and the will and means to move towards it. What we’re really talking about here is success – for you. Getting clear about what is meaningful and important to you creates a simplicity of focus and effort, helping you strip away the clutter and create forward motion. With some of our momentum disrupted this year and for extended periods, I think many of us are asking some bigger questions of our lives. What do I want? Why do I want it? What is my version of success?